


The File

by Dazzledfirestar



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Discussion of Death and Resurrection, Episode: s01e07 The Hub, Established Relationship, M/M, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 03:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dazzledfirestar/pseuds/Dazzledfirestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the system shut him out, Phil finds an old friend who is more willing to share the truth than most would believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The File

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE: There is discussion of character death and multiple attempted resurrections in this story. They aren't in great detail but they aren't pretty. If this is something that bothers you, you might want to turn back.

The office was dark when Phil walked in, closing the door behind him without turning the lights on.

The voice came from behind his desk. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Sir?”

“Don’t sir me.” He knew that tone of voice, even if it wasn’t the one he was expecting. Nick was upset. Not Director Fury angry, no. Just… not happy with him.

“I should have known you’d have the file flagged.”

“Yeah, you should have.” Nick turned the lamp on the desk on and smacked a file down. “After all this time, why not just ask?”

“I figured you’d tow the line.”

“For you?”

“For whoever thinks I shouldn’t know what happened.”

Nick stood and came around the corner of the desk. He kept the usual professional distance. Phil wasn’t sure if that was for his benefit or if he should take it personally. “Psych made the call. I wasn’t in a position to argue with them at the time. Said it would hamper your recovery.” He tapped the file. “It’s all there. If you have a breakdown because of it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He tried to get through the door but Phil held his ground, reaching out and taking hold of Nick’s arm. “If I had asked…”

“I’d have found a way around all the bullshit. You should know that.”

‘Trust the system, huh?”

“Fuck the system. Trust me.”

They stared at each other for a long time. Phil got the feeling he should say something but none of the appropriate words seemed to want to come out. “Stay til I read it?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m asking you to?”

“So you’ll have a target when you’re done?”

“No.” Phil pulled him further into the room. “Because I think I’ll need you after this. Because I miss calling you when things get fucking weird around here.”

“You’ve got Melinda here.”

“But it’s not the same.” Phil pulled on Nick’s coat. “It’s not like with you.”

Reluctantly, Nick’s arms started to wrap around him. “Read it first. You might not want me here after that.”

“I will.”

“How are you so sure?”

‘Because if it’s that bad, I’ll _need_ you here.” Phil moved to the desk, scooping up the file and sitting down to read it. Nick kept his distance, sitting heavily on the arm of the couch.

By the time he’d gotten through the first reports, his hands shook and he had to put the folder down. “How many times…?” He couldn’t quite get the words ‘did you try to bring me back from the dead’ out of his mouth.

“Three before it worked.” Nick sighed and didn’t raise his head as he continued speaking. “I called in every favor necessary. The first time… Vernard was a mistake. He didn’t have the training. It was…” Nick scrubbed a hand over his face. “It was a nightmare. It wasn’t you.”

He’d read through the reports on Kristoff Vernard and could almost see the dots lining up. “Nick…”

“The second time… she said she could do it. The medics thought she did but… you never woke up. I don’t know if you were even there.” 

“And Tahiti?”

‘When you woke up the third time… you remembered it all. You panicked, lashed out. Psych was called in and said it was either that or start over again.” Nick looked up finally. “The last time cost too much as it was. So we made due.”

When he was sure his knees wouldn’t buckle, Phil got up and made his way over to the couch. He sat down, resting his head against Nick’s shoulder as he let it all sink in. “What did it cost?” He finally asked.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” Phil looked up at him. “Nick, come on… I trust you not to bullshit me. We got this far.”

“It’s just a favor, Phil. Let it go.”

“A favor to who?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Nick turned to face him, actually touching him for the first time in far too long as he cupped his cheek. “I got you back. Nothing else is more important than that.”

Phil leaned in, kissing his lips softly, trying to chase off the ghosts he could see chasing each other around behind Nick’s gaze. “You’re worth more than that.”

“It won’t come to that.”

“You’re sure?”

“As I can be.” Nick sighed again and pulled him close. “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s my job to worry about it.” Phil kissed him again, not wanting to stop now that they’d started again. “Where do you think you’d be by now if I didn’t worry about you?”

“Don’t want to think about it. This isn’t about me or what I did, Phil.” Nick’s breath tickled across his neck as Nick pulled on his tie. “You okay with all this?”

“No.” Phil leaned in, letting Nick wrap him up in his arms. “I’m sure I’ll freak out when it all sinks in.”

“Want me to be here when that happens?”

“I always want you here. Unless you’re giving me shit.” He managed a soft chuckle. “I need you here.”

“I never left.” Nick pulled back and kissed his lips again. “And you couldn’t go a full week without blowing a hole in a plane. What was I supposed to say to that?”

“It’s not like it’s the first time.”

“I know. I was there the last time.” Nick smirked.

“Who do you owe because of me?”

“You’re not going to let this go are you?”

“No.”

“Doom.”

Phil felt all the building heat disappear at that one word. “No.”

“Phil…”

“No. Nick, why?” 

“You know why.” Nick kissed him again, slowly deepening it. “We’ve got everybody working on ways to avoid any major incidents because of this. We’ll be fine.” He kissed him again.

Phil wanted to know more. He wanted a hand in making sure that his life didn’t cost anyone else theirs. Especially someone as important to him as Nick. But he’d probably hit the answers limit for the night so he kissed him back. As they broke apart, one more question wouldn’t stay unanswered. “Why’d you stay away?”

He realized a moment too late that Nick probably had a counter question for him on that one. “Why’d you leave?”

“I didn’t. I came back.”

“And requisitioned a plane to leave again.”

“You approved it.”

“You’d earned it.” Nick’s hands settled on his hips but they twitched just a little, like he wanted to move them but wasn’t sure it was a welcome move. “And if you didn’t want to be in HQ, I would have understood.”

“And you would have avoided me as long as possible.” Phil leaned in, wrapping his arms around Nick’s shoulders and sucking softly on his earlobe. “I didn’t want that.” He kissed a path across his jaw until he got to his lips again. “So why’d you stay away?”

“I wasn’t sure you’d want me around.”

“Why?”

“Because we fucked up twice… badly. I didn’t want to find out we’d done it again.”

“And now?”

“Now…” Nick’s arms wrapped tightly around him. “Now, I need to know that this is you.”

Phil leaned in, resting his head on Nick’s shoulder. “Is that going to line up with what I need right now?”

“What do you need?”

“You.” Phil felt the shiver work its way down Nick’s spine. “Just stay for a little while.”

“I’m not leaving tonight.”

“That’s all I’m going to get?”

“For now…”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You keep saying that like it’s going to stop me.”

Nick smiled up at him. “Now I know you’re you.” 

“Damn, I was looking forward to all kinds of interesting tests.” Phil smirked and leaned in, sucking softly on Nick’s neck. “All the things only I would know…”

“If it’ll make you feel better, I’m all for that.” Nick sighed and relaxed a little, pulling Phil closer. “Broken in the hide-a-bed yet?”

“I slept on it.”

“That’s not breaking it in.” Nick smirked and reached down, hitting the conversion button on the side and they both let out the first real laughs either of them had had in ages as the bed slid out into place under them.

Phil reached down behind the back of the couch, pulling up the bedding and pillows. “I was waiting for you.”

“Good.”

He couldn’t quite stop the grin that crossed his face. “I thought you’d like that.”

“I do.” Nick pressed him back against the mattress.

“Should we make the bed first or are you just going to fuck me on the mattress?”

A small huff left Nick’s lips. It could have been a laugh. “Wouldn’t want to ruin the mattress.”

“Tease.” Phil rolled his eyes and got up, tossing a pillow at Nick.

He caught it easily, helping Phil tuck the edges of the sheets under the mattress. “Yes I am.”

The break to make the bed was just long enough to have Phil’s head spinning again as they got undressed and slipped under the thin covers. He pressed his lips to Nick’s bare shoulder. “I’m not going to let the other thing go, you know.”

“I know.” Nick pulled him closer. So close he had to either climb up and straddle his hips or press far too hard for what he wanted to be doing against the outside of his thigh. “Later… I’ll tell you everything later.”

“Be here in the morning?” He made it a question because it was always the kind of promise Nick might not be able to keep. Things came up. Crises happened. Phil knew that better than most but in that moment, he felt like he needed the reassurance.

“I’ll be here.”

Phil kissed him again, deep and slow, hips moving together, pressing close. He wouldn’t get all the answers he wanted. He knew that too. Some things were harder to work around than showing up in his office with a file in hand. But that promise—that, he believed.


End file.
